What to do? Picture by striatic

One of the main philosophical questions currently is the question of free will. In terms of our everyday moment-to-moment experience, which ultimately seems to be what we ought to go with –what else have we got?! – the question seems to be more a question of free time: do we have any?

While the philosophers may still be discussing whether or not there is any free will, we will still have our questions about how to live our lives. And just that very question betrays that in our everyday experience there is a sense of free will. So as long as the philosophers, or anyone else with (too much?) time are still deliberating about whether to choose pro or contra the idea of free will, I propose we stick to our real experience and see what comes up.

And what comes up next? The realization that in the actual moment-to-moment reality we seem to miss free time. It is indeed very hard to do nothing. Already just in planning one’s day it is hard to keep a sense of free time. Before one knows it, one has ‘’chosen’’ one’s next activity: tv, newspaper, studying, work… one might even do meditation. Before one is aware, before there is even an inkling of insight into the situation, there is already this huge complex matrix of relationships, feelings, ideas, opinions, stories, and so on that one gets drawn into. And ‘’then aging & death, sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair come into play.’’ ¹

The initial contact with situations and the subsequent reactions of love and desire or hate and aversion, result into coming into being, a birth into a new story. That story too will end, but meanwhile we will have been creating new affinities, complexes, habitual tendencies and identities which ‘’you’’ will take up, or better, which will create you before you know it when a new situation arises.

Just think of how hard it is to say ‘’No, thank you’’ to an invitation for a birthday of a vague acquaintance; of how hard it is not to check facebook or even to not check your e-mail when the pc is on. Think of how hard it is to try changing a negative attitude towards someone – as long as you don’t see him/her, it’s okay, but when he/she shows up… Do you actually have a moment for yourself? To see where things are going and use some wisdom? Well, it does seem there is hope.

Sutra collection

There are several elements to my cultivation of the Guanyin Dharma Door: 1.) sutra recitation, 2.) bowing, 3.) mantra recitation, 4.) name recitation, 5.) pilgrimage, and 6.) compassionate living. I must also mention 7.) offerings and 8.) Guanyin’s meditation practice of turning the hearing inwards to hear the self-nature. I don’t personally practice Guanyin’s method of meditation, or practice making offerings to Guanyin, but they could definitely be valuable components of the Guanyin Dharma Door and complement the other Guanyin practices very well.

Sutra Recitation

One very important Buddhist practice involves reading and reciting Buddhist sutras. The experience of reading sutras is different from that of reciting sutras. For me, reading sutras is more analytical and cognitive, while reciting sutras is similar to the experience of chanting, with the additional benefit of gaining wisdom. Reciting sutras is especially enjoyable when done in a group of people. Regarding the Guanyin Dharma Door, there are many sutras dedicated either completely or partially to Guanyin Bodhisattva. It is wonderful reciting these sutras out of devotion for Guanyin. It is also important to read them in order to unite your mind-ground with the wisdom and essence of Guanyin Bodhisattva. The following sutras, or sections of sutras, are dedicated to Guanyin:

1. High King Guanyin Sutra: This sutra gives praise to Guanyin and other Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. It is especially good for reciting.
2. Karanda-vyuha Sutra (Mahayana Sublime Treasure King Sutra: This sutra is one of my favorite sutras. It is about the origins and benefits of the famous mantra: Om Mani Padme Hum.
3. Sutra of the Prophecy Bestowed upon Guanyin Bodhisattva: This sutra tells about Guanyin’s past and his future.
4. Great Compassion Dharani Sutra: This sutra is about the famous Great Compassion Mantra. In this sutra we get a peek into who Guanyin Bodhisattva really is.
5. Maha-Cundi Dharani Sutra: This sutra introduces the well-known Maha-Cundi mantra, which is recited both in the morning and at mealtime here at CTTB. Cundi Bodhisattva is known to be an emanation of Guanyin Bodhisattva.
6. Lotus Sutra Ch. 25, the Universal Door Chapter: This sutra is one of my favorites sutras. The Universal Door Chapter is a famous chapter about the compassionate deeds of Guanyin Bodhisattva and the benefits that come from reciting his holy name. It teaches how Guanyin Bodhisattva rescues and protects beings who call out to him for help when they are in danger or in need and how he expediently transforms into whatever body is required, based on living beings’ individual karmic conditions, in order to teach and transform them.
7. Shurangama Sutra Ch. 6: This includes a famous teaching given by Guanyin Bodhisattva about the efficacious meditation practice of turning the hearing inwards to hear the self-nature.
8. Prajna Paramita Heart Sutra: This sutra includes a famous teaching given by Guanyin Bodhisattva to the Buddha’s disciple, Shariputra, on Prajnaparamita—The Perfection of Wisdom.
9. Earth Store Sutra Ch. 12: This sutra, which is about Earth Store Bodhisattva, has a section in which Guanyin Bodhisattva speaks.
10. Avatamsaka Sutra Ch. 39 / Gandavyuha Sutra (This chapter is not available on the internet yet, but we are working on making the B.T.T.S. version available soon.): This is also one of my favorite sutras. This sutra has a section about Guanyin Bodhisattva. According to Heng Shun Shr, a monk living at CTTB: “The ten teachers in this volume [of the Gandavyuha Sutra] represent Bodhisattvas on the Ten Transferences. The Venerable Master told us that although Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva appears to Sudhana as a Bodhisattva on one of the Ten Transferences, that only represents the affinities and potentials of Sudhana- not the ultimate state of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva, i.e. Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva appears in a way that is appropriate to what is required to help living beings (as also expressed in the Universal Door, Chapter 25, Lotus Sutra).”
11. Metta Sutta: Although this sutra has no connection to Guanyin Bodhisattva as a being, its meaning–loving kindness–IS Guanyin Bodhisattva and no different, so I’ve included it. I try to recite this sutra everyday.

These are all the sutras I’m aware of that are related to Guanyin Bodhisattva. If anyone knows of any other sutras that I’ve missed (which is very likely), please leave a comment and let me know. I’ve heard that the Compassionate Lotus Sutra (http://www.fodian.net/world/0157.html) describes the past vows made by Guanyin Bodhisattva, but because it is not fully translated into English, I can’t verify that.

Interviewed by Loc Huynh

[reprinted from Dharma Mirror, Fall 2005]

Since the third century CE to this day, bowing to the Buddha is the most common practice for Asian Buddhists. However, among Westerners, bowing practice, as compared with meditation, is not as well-known. Last summer, I had an opportunity to speak with Reverend Heng Sure, the director of the Berkeley Buddhist Monastery, and asked for more information about Buddhist bowing and repentance. In the late 1970s, Reverend Sure and a fellow monk did a three-year bowing pilgrimage for world peace along the coast of California. Their journey began in Pasadena and ended three years and 800 miles later at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas in Ukiah. And most astonishingly, their knees had already endured over a million bows….

Loc: Would you describe the purpose and benefits of a bowing practice?

Rev. Sure: Bowing, like other Dharma practices, can be considered a technology. It’s actually a method for changing one’s consciousness. And because it’s a Dharma practice, it works by using the body. It is true that Buddhism emphasizes the mind; however, we often use the body to get to the mind. A renowned Chinese monk from the Tang dynasty, Master Cheng Guan, explained that bowing reduces pride, teaches us respect, and increases our goodness. Bowing awakens these qualities within, effecting our conscious state and view of ourselves and place in the world. The technology of bowing, from his ancient description, is precise. He considers bowing as a medicine, an antidote for pride. It also teaches respect because when we bow, we are physically down on the ground and potentially allows a feeling of reverence to emerge in our heart. Bowing increases goodness because the “self” shrinks. Things that we do with a reduced sense of self, and we’re not talking about low self esteem, but things we do without the big “ME” in the middle, tend to turn out better. Bowing is the first of the ten practices recommended by Samantabhadra (Universal Worthy) Bodhisattva, one of the four revered bodhisattvas of Mahayana Buddhism. Bowing is a foundational practice, along with generosity, and ethics, for preparing someone for a spiritual life.

Loc: Buddhism does emphasize reducing arrogance and pride.

Rev. Sure: Bodhisattvas in the Buddhist sutras, no matter how high their position, all still bow to the Buddha. That is, everyone up to the stage of buddhahood still make bows. In America our cowboy culture gave us the “self-made man,” the independent individual, who says, “I don’t kowtow to no man.” That can become, “We don’t listen to no country, we don’t need no allies, etc.” The developed world has machines that tromp over the earth and other species. We consume and cut down forest, dig up minerals, and somehow feel it’s our given right to kill other creatures and eat their bodies. Those unwise attitudes result from an inability to humble the self and live in harmony as part of a larger community of living creatures on the planet. The flipside of pride and arrogance is isolationism and loneliness; we do not feel at home wherever we go. Hence, as a culture, we can definitely use a method that can ease this sense of loneliness.

Loc: Did bowing for three years on the California highway deepen the connection you have with people along the way?

Rev. Sure: The longer I bowed the more connected I felt. With each bow I gradually saw a certain sameness in people’s faces; I felt a kinship with the people I met. I stopped feeling separateness and, with that change in my perception, people’s responses to me changed too. I saw that underneath the exterior, there is a profound family relationship shared among people, animals, and living things. The first pictures of the planet earth taken from space showed a tiny blue marble in an inky black universe that stretches on forever and forever. Looking at those photos we realized that all creatures are like people in a lifeboat together. We share the water, temperature, and climate. We are a family; some in furs some with horns; some have wings and scales. Our skins are different colors and our mouths speak different languages, but we all share the same elemental makeup of earth, air, fire, and water.

Bowing shows you this organically. With each bow, the self slowly disappears. In the future I hope to keep bowing to “finish the job.” Most of us don’t think to bow; it’s so slow and boring. People often asked, “What are you gonna get out of that?” Kids get bowing right away. It feels good to bow. Adults often take longer to try it out. For adults, if they can get through the first couple bows, often it feels so good to lower the head; it feels as nourishing to the spirit as water on dry plants—it’s very healing.

Loc: I have some friends who just got back from a three-week bowing repentance session at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. Can you tell us more about this event?

Rev. Sure: Every spring the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB), convenes a three-week bowing session, called the Ten Thousand Buddhas Jeweled Repentance. During this event at CTTB, we bow to the names of 11,111 buddhas. This Dharma practice is based on the sutra The Buddha Speaks the Sutra of the Buddhas’ Names.

Bowing together in ritual movement with 600 people, moving to music for eight hours a day creates a powerful catharsis. Those who have tried this ceremony know that the first day, you can think you’re going to die from so much bowing. The ego really resists being lowered so much. On the second day, you don’t doubt it, you know you’re dead. On the third day, metaphorically speaking, we really die, the ego has given up and gotten with the program. But after the fourth day, we’re reborn, so to speak and bowing becomes effortless from that time on.

Loc: What kind of effects does bowing in repentance have on the body and mind?

Rev. Sure: Bowing a repentance liturgy is designed to bring to consciousness the negative things that we may have committed in the past. Bowing changes the blood flow to the upper body, particularly to the brain, and it seems to dislodge memories or thoughts that may be buried in the mind, or in our kinetic memory. Seated meditation doesn’t function the same way because sitting is stationary and our blood circulation slows down. When we bow, we place the head on the same level with heart. The flowing blood and changing energy stimulates and washes clean the effects in the psyche of deeds we have done with our body, mouth, and mind. While bowing, memories and thoughts of all kinds come to mind, thoughts that may be terrifying and embarrassing. They arise because the act of bowing relaxes the muscles from the shoulders, the small of your back, and the chest; it exercises the stomach muscles and the diaphragm, which also hold muscle memory. Attitudes and buried or repressed thoughts we can no longer “stomach” naturally return to awareness up during bowing.Loc: What prevents your bowing from just becoming purely mechanical?

Rev. Sure: If we are bowing in repentance, we can use a verse from the Avatamsaka Sutra:

“For all past bad karma,
Created by beginningless, greed, anger, and delusion,
And created by my body, mouth, and mind,
I now repent and reform entirely.”

Each bow helps us confront and let go of memories. The power of this technology comes from a combination of physical, psychological, and spiritual elements. Essentially the repentance allows us to say “Yes, I made a mistake and, yes I won’t do it again, I’m sorry.” When negative memories arise, and are repented of, they lose their power to block our consciousness and impede our moving on to healthy spiritual growth. Venerable Master Hua described the process as, “Big disasters becomes smaller disasters; small ones disappear.”

Bowing without an attitude of sincere repentance will not be as effective; bowing with sincerity helps clean up our stuff inside. The Buddhas and Bodhisattvas taught the Dharma to help people like us to leave suffering behind and ultimately, to go freedom from birth and death. The method of repentance helps us change and transform our minds.

Loc: How does the doctrine of “emptiness” apply to repentance?

Rev. Sure: The self works like a hingepin on the structure of karma. If the view of self is gone, then there is no place for offenses to land or to stick. By emptying out the self with each bow, and here I’m using empty out as a verb, “to empty out,” gradually we can actually change the outlook of the Self, the big “me” in the center. If the thing that does good and bad deeds is not entirely in charge, if the agent that does deeds is gone, and ultimately doesn’t exist, then how much the less do the offenses themselves exist? And if we can then repent of the mistakes we have made, then slowly we turn the balance sheet around. Offenses are reduced, merit and virtue increases.

If we are determined to change and become like the Buddha, and want to transform afflictions and change the direction of our life, then repentance and bowing are good methods to do so. Bowing is slow and dull but it works to clean the mind’s closets.

Loc: How can people new to Buddhism or people who cannot attend long retreats apply the Dharma of repentance?

Rev. Sure: When I was a student, I was uninterested in reflecting on what I was doing. As a student I wanted experience—the more action the better. And when things happened to me I was unlikely to say to myself, “Oh that bang on the head was the result of something I did.” My attitude was, “Ouch! Darn! Bad luck!” Then I’d take an aspirin or drink the pain into oblivion.

I didn’t have a clue that I might benefit by reflecting and changing my behavior. It’s not easy to take that first step: to listen to myself and think things over.

But when we start to practice, and if we get some instruction in the principle of cause and effect, we can understand that things that happen to us are repercussions set in motion by our own behavior. What happens to us is the harvest of seeds we planted.

The next step is to learn how to move from passive understanding to conscious control. Upon reflection we make sense of behavior by comparing with a standard. The Dharma teaches about the Ten Evil and Ten Good Deeds, a set of ethical standards; the Ten Evil Deeds guide us to refrain from creating unwholesome karma with the:

Body Three mistakes with the body include killing, stealing, and sexual misconduct. Instead of killing, the Ten Good Deeds exhort us to be kind to all creatures. Instead of stealing, we are guided to be generous and to appreciate what we have. Instead of sexual misconduct, we are encouraged to be true to our commitments in our relationship and to cherish our body and energy. The world’s major religious traditions are unanimous in teaching that irresponsible sexual behavior leads to emotional confusion and heartbreak. Further, careless emotional entanglements make it difficult to find stillness in the mind.

Speech There are four evil deeds done with the mouth, so the Dharma guides us to refrain from lying, gossiping or schism-making, harsh, and frivolous speech.

Mind As for the mind, there are three evils: greed, hatred, and delusion. Delusions refer to false views—seeing things the way they aren’t, and believing things that are not based in reality.

The Ten Good Deeds are a Dharma standard by which we can judge our behavior. If we observe and reflect our conduct in harmony with their guidance, our actions will yield positive results and we will harvest a life that we want to live.

Loc: And when we make a mistake?

Rev. Sure: When we make a mistake, the first step is again, to see cause and effect at work, to understand that we are creating the world we’re moving into. Secondly, reflect and catch ourselves in our habitual, unmindful and unskillful actions; and third, from understanding and seeing our actions, we become empowered to take action and change. We then resolve to change our negative behavior to the positive and in this way, to benefit the world. At this point, we will be on the spiritual path and will be using our life unselfishly. Our journey will lead us to meet with wholesome friends and good things will arise out of that community.

Rev. Heng Sure has an M.A. in Oriental Languages from UC Berkeley, and a Ph.D. from the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley. He serves as the Managing Director of the Berkeley Buddhist Monastery and teaches on the staff at the Institute for World Religions. He lectures on the Avamtasaka Sutra at the Berkeley Monastery every Saturday evening. He is actively involved in interfaith dialogue and in the ongoing conversation between spirituality and technology. He may be reached at www.berkeleymonastery.org.

]]> http://www.drby.net/blog/?feed=rss2&p=928 http://www.drby.net/blog/?p=918 http://www.drby.net/blog/?p=918#comments Wed, 08 Sep 2010 18:49:47 +0000 J.Tseng http://www.drby.net/blog/?p=918

Prof. Raoul Birnbaum

On September 13 - 17, Prof. Raoul Birnbaum, a Buddhist Studies Professor from UC Santa Cruz, will be giving a free 5 day lecture series on the senses and the wide ranging  Theravada and Mahayana Buddhist practices that tie to them.  This will be hosted in the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas in Ukiah (Lodging can be provided on campus).

I had a chance to hear Prof. Birnbaum give the previous 5 day lecture series in CTTB.   Drawing on his long experience as a Buddhist practitioner, he was insightful, friendly, inspiring, and very open to questions.  Not to be missed!

A bunch of DRBYers will be there.  Say hi if you have a chance.

Further Details

However, with the onrush of always-connected, portable devices, there has been increasing evidence of their detrimental impact on our attention and focus. (And the importance of focus on one’s quality of life seems ever greater).

NYT published an article about a team of neuroscientists who traveled the Utah wilderness for 3 days to understand how unplugging from the heavy use of electronic devices impact our brain.

Some interesting quotes:

• drumbeat of incoming data has created a false sense of urgency that can affect people’s ability to focus.
• This has become such a sizzling field of research that two years ago the National Institutes of Health established a division to support studies of the parts of the brain involved with focus.
• These researchers are wondering whether attention and focus can take a hit when people merely anticipate the arrival of more digital stimulation.
• “The expectation of e-mail seems to be taking up our working memory,” Mr. Yantis says.
• Working memory is a precious resource in the brain. The scientists hypothesize that a fraction of brain power is tied up in anticipating e-mail and other new information
• Mr. Atchley says he can see new ways to understand why teenagers decide to text even in dangerous situations, like driving. Perhaps the addictiveness of digital stimulation leads to poor decision-making.
• Mr. Kramer says the group has become more reflective, quieter, more focused on the surroundings.

Article link.

Fairly soon, the Dharma Wheel Buddhist Bicycle Pilgrimage will be happening.  It’s a great way to bike, meditate, see Dharma centers, travel the beautiful North Bay, and meet great people in a relax environment (wow that’s a long list!).   Bike from Spirit Rock Center to Sae Taw Win Dhamma Center to City of 10,000 Buddhas to Abhayagiri Monastery.   A bunch of us like to go every year to bike and volunteer with Support Vehicles, Rest Stations, camp sites.   Not to be missed!

Over the past few years, as I have been living in CTTB, the devotional element in Buddhism has slowly emerged in my practice. I never made any sudden decision to “go devotional.” It naturally emerged on its own. Moreover, it’s become more than just devotion, it’s become a relationship. Westerners might view this idea as not being too different from Christian devotion. Many Christians experience having a close relationship with Jesus, perhaps even at the level of having a loving, close, intimate friendship. Prayer, praise, and worship are integral aspects of the devotional relationship between Christians and Jesus. For the most part, this is different from the devotion as it is found in Buddhism.

Many cultivators living at CTTB cultivate devotion towards Amitabha. They cultivate the recollection and mindfulness of Amitabha Buddha and his Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. They visualize him and his land and recite his holy name, which is eventually meant to lead to samadhi, a deep meditational state. If a devotional relationship does exist with Amitabha (or any other Buddha or Bodhisattva), it could take the form of their receiving an occasional auspicious dream or vision of Amitabha. But beyond such occurrences, the relationship is likely to be at a mostly subtle and hidden level, without anything being too obvious to the devotee. For the most part, the Buddhist’s relationship with Amitabha is expected to begin immediately after death, not while the devotee is living on earth. This is very different from the Christian or Hindu form of devotion, in which the devotee can form a very intimate relationship, on a day-to-day basis, with his or her object of devotion through prayer and constant communication.

What I have found from adding a devotional relationship to my practice is that it makes it fun and enjoyable. Although one can definitely find joy in meditation, it is a very dry, impersonal form of joy. Meditation is the epitome of detachment, and the joy that arises from meditation is determined by the extent to which one has the ability to become non-attached and equanimous during meditation. However, the joy that arises from devotion is very, very different. It’s a different kind of energy. It’s rich and colorful, full of depth and flavor. I always look forward to being able to cultivate my devotion to Guanyin. It’s a pleasure being able to express the wonder that I experience as Guanyin. By adding this element to my practice, I naturally acquire zest and vigor in my practice. Such vigor is an important aspect of the Path, because it helps one avoid becoming lax and lazy and enables one to remain on the Path for an entire lifetime.

One might argue that such devotion automatically implies a sense of duality (between the devotee and the object of devotion), which is antagonistic to the non-dual teachings of the Buddha. On the surface, this might appear to be true. However, when cultivating devotion in Buddhism, one must always retain a deeper understanding of the practice. Guanyin should be seen as the embodiment and representation of unconditional, boundless compassion. Moreover, Guanyin should not be viewed as being different from any living being, because the heart of Guanyin is the same Bodhi-heart within all beings. Therefore, I don’t view Guanyin as being different from my own deepest heart. Guanyin is the potential that I can become. Guanyin represents my own compassionate heart, which I am developing through my devotion to him. I express devotion towards both Guanyin and my own compassionate heart, which are non-dual.

Guanyin Bodhisattva is a powerful being that is very involved in this world. He’s known for hearing the sounds of the world, which is the meaning of his name. I think of him as being like a mother sitting on a bench who is watching her four children (this can represent the four directions) playing at a playground. If any one of her children gets scared or hurt and calls out to her for help, she instantly rushes over to take care of her child and soothe him or her. It’s very easy for her to diligently watch over her four children playing at the playground. In the same way, although there are many living beings that can call out to Guanyin Bodhisattva for help, because of the tremendous power he has due to his vast vows and infinite compassion, it’s very easy for him to listen for his name and instantly appear to help suffering beings.

Before I explain the Dharma Door that I practice, I would like to explain some of my background in Buddhism and how I have come to cultivate this devotional form of cultivation. What immediately attracted me to Buddhism were several things. One of the many aspects of Buddha Dharma that I was attracted to was its rational viewpoint towards the world, which seemed to clearly describe the way the world works and the fundamental problem behind existence. That was the wisdom aspect of the Dharma that attracted me. I was also very attracted to the meditational aspect of the Dharma, because I was finally given an opportunity to actually take the initiative of spiritual progress and transformation into my own hands. Meditation is empowering, because with it you are no longer reliant on the grace of God or anyone else outside of yourself to improve the condition of your mind and spirit. You can take up the practice and immediately enjoy its benefits. The only thing that stops you from progressing is your own lack of cultivation.

So I started my journey on the Buddhist Path with a very left-brained, rational approach. The rational approach didn’t last for very long, however, once I dove into more profound concepts, such as the concepts of emptiness, non-duality, equality, and the dream-like nature of reality. In order to fathom the mystical implications of these concepts, I had to crack open my own rationality like a nut in order to expose the profundity lying deeper within the mind and spirit. However, there is still the need for rationality and the left-brain, which is required in discriminating between proper teachings v. improper teachings and delusion v. clarity. The left-brain grounds you, while the right-brain allows you to open your mind up to broader spiritual vistas. Thus, in my opinion, neither should be abandoned, because they both play important roles on the Path.

The other aspect of my initial attraction to Buddhism, meditation, has strongly stuck with me throughout the years. For me, it is the most direct approach to dealing with the scatteredness of the mind. In my opinion, a scattered mind is a field of afflictions, because it is like a fertile field that is conducive to the future growth of afflictions, which are like rampant weeds choking off the medicinal and wholesome plants, such as virtues, wisdom, and inner calm and equanimity. In my opinion, the meditative basis of my practice is similar to most Westerners, who are also attracted to the meditative aspect of Buddhism.

I began my teaching career after graduating from college; I was young and naive. In the beginning, it was all about evaluations, lesson plans, school politics, and teenage angst. Though teaching continues to be demanding, throughout the last few years, my purpose for teaching has become much clearer and more focused. I have learned to understand my students on a deeper level—what their fears and aspirations are, where they come from, and the individuals they are now.

When I began studying Buddhism, I found that it connected me better to my students. It helped me to empathize more deeply with their well-being and futures. Simply greeting them with a friendly smile, even a hug, and letting them know I am there to support them, has been beneficial, to not just my students, but to me as well. My students are comfortable around me; we have built a special rapport. They see me as a real person, not just somebody who assigns grades and homework.

I tell my students I give them my positive chi, my energy flow, every day. I encourage them to do well in school, to treat themselves and others respectfully. Our chi is connected because as their teacher, I help them realize their hopes and dreams.

This past year, one conversation with a student stood out from the rest.

It began with him telling me, “I’ve missed you.”

“What did you miss about me?” I asked him.

“I missed your chi,” he said with a smile.

It was the most beautiful statement anybody could have said to me. As a teacher, I am not always sure how I influence and affect my students. This student’s remark resonates with me because I understand that I do make a difference in my students’ lives. I have the chance to build meaningful, lasting relationships with students from all backgrounds and support them as they are finding out who they are throughout high school.

Buddhism has imbued me with new insights about my path as a teacher. It has shown me that it is not just a job I chose after earning my degree, but a gift that allows me to progress each day toward my goal of becoming a kinder human being. Each moment—both ordinary and extraordinary—is an opportunity to cultivate compassion.

I have come to not only accept, but love my students for their individuality, vulnerabilities and strengths, and I want them to believe in themselves as much as I believe in them.

In Loving Memory of a dear family friend, Lich Phan, who passed away November 2009. She is shown here holding my baby brother in 1990.

I tried to remember our final moments together
Had it really been two years ago?
Why did we let the time past?
What was it that I said to you last?

I envisioned a lifeless body
Lying in solitude
Irrepressibly gray and cold
I wanted to reach out my hand, touch you
Afraid that I would flinch
Shed another teardrop
Weep in disbelief
My fingertips recoiled, turned to ice
Your delicate skin strangely hardened as stone

Perchance I recognized a faint, familiar smile
Or was that how your lovely face froze?
When you grappled for strength, for breath
What happened when your brown eyes closed?
Did it hurt when your courageous heart stopped beating?
Did you die a forsaken death?
I could not imagine how you struggled alone
When unconsciousness permanently struck
A beautiful mind faded to black like the midnight sky

The jarring images converged
Within my cache of reverie
Unsparingly, a reel of film emerged:
Illuminated by a brilliant warmth
By a transcendent grace
You appeared seemingly small
Yet serene in repose
I could see your pretty dress
Then I tried to remember
Your gray hair tucked in a simple bun
Jade bracelet secured around a dainty wrist
Petite frame commanding a proud silhouette

Alas, the paroxysm of mourning
Gave way to willful supplication
In one breath, I rendered
A panorama of your noble deeds
Enraptured, devastated
I recounted the faraway memories:
How you once walked protectively nearby
Gently cradled me in your comforting arms
Sang sweet lullabies through the long night
Fulfilled the guiding role of a maternal figure

The tide of sorrow returned my thoughts
To the truth of your absence
Rather than succumbing to the currents,
I could begin to heal once this despair
Reached a heartbreaking crescendo

A stream of woeful pleasure
And wistful bliss engulfed this space in time
Swiftly the poignant, colorful recollections
Cascaded into an overflow of emotions
Sharply piercing my grievous heart