Lost? — Gratitude towards Parents
Gratitude towards parents is an important virtue in Buddhism as the relationship with one’s parents as a profound impact on one’s spiritual growth.
There are many Buddhist texts that describe how “difficult it is repay the kindness of parents,” for instance, the Earth Store Sutra, Anguttara Nikaya, and the Sutra that bears the exact name “Parents’ Kindness is Difficult to Repay.”
Growing up in America, it is often easy to lose this quality of being appreciative of one’s parents as the young adult attitude is usually tinged with cynicism, rebellion and a healthy dose of disrespect (or in other words, “I’m really cool… but my parents are not.”).
But to grow up this way is actually kind of “off track.” Watching the development of relationships within families of my friends, it is usually the friends that maintain good communication channels with their parents that things usually work out well. I think my generation often feels “lost,” we don’t know where we are headed, and so we sit around and mull over it, ask our friends, and look out into society for some direction. Usually nothing comes back. I realized it is a bit ironic that actually in the past, the elder generations provided the guidance and direction for the youth. And given our education and upbringing, that’s exactly the last source we go to for advice. (That’s often exactly the reason we stop talking to them–they give us too much advice! with the additional pressure of following it!)
Parent & Child, picture by Duncan McKinnon
Where is certain maturity needed in being able to listen respectively to people who care about me (without just reacting with annoyance)–but at the same time, not just obeying the guidance blindly. Gratitude, however, is an unconditional good. Even with parents that might be “horrible” there is always something to be grateful for if one makes an effort to look. And from there it is like something opens up in the heart. It is like roots begin to grow–and one is grounded.
For myself, I still don’t really know where I’m going, but I feel rooted in life. The older generations provide a framework and perspective on where I am in my process of growing up.
Some Resources on “Gratitude towards Parents”
Talks & Articles:
- Ajahn Sumedho. Gratitude to Parents.
- Rev. Heng Sure. Filial Respect and Buddhist Meditation.
- Ajahn Amaro. Who Will Feed the Mice?
There are many songs where children express their gratitude towards their parents.
- Pop singers: Boyz II Men — A Song for Mama
- Rappers: Tupac — Dear Mama (it’s tough being a mom)
- Other cultures: Freddie Aguilar — Anak
[...] From Dharma | Mirror, D. Yin gives us a Buddhist perspective on a tough gratitude area, with: “Lost? — Gratitude towards Parents.” [...]